


Family makes three

by poeticeclipse



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: Non-Sexual Age Play, Sickfic, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2019-09-14 20:58:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16920267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poeticeclipse/pseuds/poeticeclipse
Summary: Quick drabbles and one shots ofyoung Ryan and his mommy Pam and daddy Jim.





	1. Fever

I can tell Ryan's slipping all the way from over here  
he keeps biting the tip of his thumb where it drifts to his  
mouth every few minutes, slouched down in his chair.  
I knew we shouldn't have let him come in today.  
He had already had a fever when he woke this morning and  
even though he wasn't in a little headspace at the time  
being sick usually put him there. I quietly get up and make  
my way over to Pam. "Hey," I murmur. "Ry's slipping I'm  
going to to try and get him out of here. Cover for us?"  
"Of course. Tell him I'll bring some soup home tonight."  
"Thanks." I make my way over to Ryan. His eyes are glassy  
and bright and he's struggling to keep his focus on his  
computer screen. "C'mon." I say. Discretely sliding my  
hands under his arms and lifting him up. He stands but  
immediately shakes me off going tense, I briefly wonder  
if he's going to cause a scene. I take his wrist and give it a firm tug  
and he follows me out. "I have work to do Jim!" He hisses when  
we get to the hall. He's fighting it. "Come here." I say  
sitting on one of the benches. He just stands there stubbornly  
looking at the carpet. "Ryan!" I warn, he finally shuffles over  
and I pull him down onto my lap, brushing his blonde locks from  
his forehead I wrap one arm around his waist the other coming up to  
rub his back. It doesn't take long before he's  
resting his head on my shoulder fever hot forehead pressed to  
my neck. "C'mon baby," I murmur pressing a kiss to his head.  
"Daddy's gonna take you home and get you to bed." He sniffles  
into my neck. "I'm sorry."  
"Shh, honey it's alright." I stand keeping him tucked to my  
side as we make our way down to the parking lot. I open the  
car door for him and he all but collapses into the seat  
reaching in I get his seat-belt fastened.  
"Don't feel good daddy." He mumbles. "I know sweetheart."  
I brush a kiss against his cheek and give his knee a gentle squeeze.  
"We'll be home soon and you can snuggle in the bed with daddy, okay."  
We make it there in record time. He's drowsy and so out of it that I  
end up having to carry him inside, not an easy feat but I manage.  
I tuck him into bed then go scour the medicine cabinet for something  
to help with his raging fever. All I manage to find is some Tylenol I  
bring it and a glass of water back with me. "Here baby," I help him  
sit up. "take this." Once he finishes I climb in behind him and pull  
him to my chest. "Sleep honey, mommy will bring you some soup home later."  
I tell him but he's already asleep. 

I wake later in the evening to the  
sounds of Pam in the kitchen. Ryan's still sleeping his hair matted to  
his forehead, cheeks blazing. Pam comes into the room. "Hey honey."  
She says coming over and giving me a gentle kiss. "Hey." I whisper back.  
She sits next to me and reaches over to feel Ryan's forehead.  
"Jim." She says voice laced in panic. "He's burning."  
"I gave him Tylenol when we got here." I say pressing my hand to his cheek.  
She's right he's on fire. "Ryan." I call brushing my thumb across his face.  
Nothing. "Ryan!" Pam shouts shaking his shoulder. His head shifts but that's  
the only reaction we get. "We've got to get his fever down." She says standing.  
"I'll run the bath and you bring him." "Okay." I say trying not to show my own  
panic. I start stripping him down making quick work of the buttons on his shirt  
despite my trembling hands, scooping him up I quickly head down the hall.  
The bath is half full of barely warm water when I go to set him in and the  
reaction is almost immediate. He starts thrashing and kicking trying to get  
away from what must feel like ice water to him. "Hey, hey! It's okay."  
I wrap my arms around him holding him in place. He's crying and still kicking  
Pam works to hold his legs still. "Ryan honey we're trying to help you feel better I promise."  
She says.  
"No! No! daddy, daddy please!" He's sobbing trying to twist out of my arms.  
I'm crying at this point as well. "I'm sorry baby." I choke cupping more water  
and letting it run down his back. "Mommy!" His whole body's jerking and he keeps  
getting choked on his sobs. "How long has he been in?" I choke out desperate.  
"Long enough." She decides tears on her face as well. She hands me  
a towel and I yank Ryan from the tub just as quick as I can holding him tight.  
He wraps his legs around me and buries his face in my shoulder.  
"I'm sorry baby I'm so sorry." I say cupping the back of his head and pressing  
kisses to his cheek. "Let's get him back in bed and some more medicine." Pam  
says softly. I nod following her down the hall. I sit on the bed with Ryan in my lap.  
After about ten minutes of gentle persuasion Pam finally manages to coax some more medicine down him.  
We strip the covers from the bed leaving only the top sheet and keep Ryan in his briefs to keep him  
from getting overheated. Pam lies with him stroking his hair while I fold and put the blankets  
away before joining them. The weight of the day has us all drifting to sleep after awhile.  
I wake during the night with Ryan's face pressed against mine sweat rolling off him.  
I press a hand to his head relieved to find his fever has broken. I climb out of bed  
quietly padding down the hall to retrieve a washcloth. I gently wipe the sweat from off  
him. Gazing at him and Pam snuggled together there I can't help but to think how lucky I am.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments appreciated:)


	2. Cling

"Mommy do you have to go?" Ryan asks quietly, nervous. I look over at him  
laid across my bed, chin propped on his hands, big blue eyes imploring.  
I pause in packing my suitcase. "Oh, honey you know I don't want to leave  
you but this is a big opportunity for me." I had received a commission for  
my art in New York that required me to spend the week in the city.  
I walk over and sit beside him brushing his hair from his forehead.  
"Daddy will be here and we can talk on the phone every night okay?" His face slides from  
his hands down into the mattress, his shoulders jerk. "Baby." I say softly  
rubbing his back. He's been so clingy to me lately and I feel awful having to leave.  
"C'mon." I say gently after several minutes and he seems calmer.  
"Let's get your jammies on and get ready for bed."  
It's going to be an early morning and I definitely don't want to increase the tantrum  
by having him be tired on top of it. He stands slowly keeping his eyes on the floor and  
sniffling. "Come here." I pull him into a hug squeezing. "You're going to have fun this  
week. Okay? No more tears." I stroke his cheek. He nods haltingly still avoiding eye contact.  
I lead him down the hall to the bathroom, he hops up on the sink as I squeeze some toothpaste  
on his toothbrush. "Smile big." I tell him helping him clean his teeth. "Okay rinse then use  
the potty. I'm going to get your pajamas set out." "Okay." I can tell he's still upset but  
at least he's using his words. When he finishes I already have his pajamas out and the bed  
turned down. I help him into them and tug the covers up. "Story?" He asks pleadingly.  
"One." He hurriedly nods his head scooting over to make room for me. I distantly here  
the front door opening as I climb in next to him. Jim's footsteps echo down the hall  
before he pokes his head around the corner "There you two are." He says smiling. "Daddy!"  
Ryan shouts bouncing up and down on the bed stretching his arms out for him.  
"There's my boy." He says laughing and pulling him into a bear hug.  
"Hi mommy." He grins at me leaning in and kissing me gently. "Hi honey." I laugh.  
"How was work?" I was currently taking time off for my trip. "Same 'ol, same 'ol."  
He replies stretching out beside Ryan on the bed. "What we reading tonight?"  
I show him the cover of Goodnight Moon. "Ah, a classic." He says in a stuffy  
voice like he's a great literary critic. Ryan giggles and I suppress a smile  
opening to the first page and reading. Ryan's grip on me tightens after we've  
finished. "One more?" "No sweetie. Bed." I say standing and pressing a kiss  
to his forehead. I can tell he's fighting back tears. "I'll see you in the morning."  
I reassure working his fingers loose from my shirt. "Hey," Jim says softly in concern.  
"It's okay baby mommy's not gonna leave without saying goodbye."  
"I don't want her to go!" He shouts burying his face in his pillow sobbing.  
Jim looks to me completely bewildered. "I don't know." I mouth. He sighs.  
"Go ahead and finish packing I'll stay with him till he falls asleep."  
"Thanks honey." I kiss him sweetly. "Sweet-dreams Ryan." I say running my  
fingers through his hair and kissing his neck. "Mmmm!" He responds  
angrily from in the pillow, kicking his foot out.  
"Hey!" Jim warns swatting at his backside. He breaks out in fresh tears.  
"Honey-" I sigh moving to sit back down. Jim shakes his head.  
"Just finish packing babe I'll handle this." "Alright." I sigh again  
and head for the door. Glancing back I watch Jim stretch out and pull Ryan  
to him. "Come here baby." He says softly cradling him to him and stroking his hair.

I go to check on them after I've finished. They're both out cold. One of Jim's arm's hanging  
off the bed the other in Ryan's hair, Ryan's face pressed in his neck breathing through his mouth.  
I smile I never get tired of these scenes. I gently tug the covers up on them before  
heading to bed myself.

Morning comes too soon and I find myself rushing to get out the door. Ryan  
underfoot at every turn. "Mommy look." He calls holding up a drawing.  
"It's beautiful baby but you already showed me yesterday." I remind him.  
"Ryan come sit down and eat your cereal." Jim says sternly for the third time  
leading him back to the table. "I don't want it." He grumbles. "Eat." He says  
as the taxi pulls up honking. "I don't want it!" He suddenly shouts pushing it  
to the floor, bowl smashing and milk running everywhere. "Ryan Howard!" Jim says  
standing. Ryan jumps from his chair throwing his arms around me "Don't leave."  
He begs. "Honey." I sigh. "I'll be back before you know it." I tell him  
giving him a tight squeeze and a kiss. Jim comes over scooping him up and  
holding him to one hip in a way that amazes me every time.  
"We'll be fine." He reassures leaning in for a kiss. "I'm sorry I can't help  
with the bags." He says struggling with Ryan. "It's okay. I'll call tonight."  
I say stepping out the door. "Mommy! Mommy!" I hear Ryan cry. I feel my  
eyes well up. I hate this.

 

Jim's pov

 

"Mommy." Ryan's crying. After watching the taxi pull away I lock the  
door, just in case he tries to take off after her. Turning back  
to the dining room I look over the mess and sigh.  
"C'mon baby," I say rubbing his back. "help daddy clean up."  
I set him down. He's breathing hard chest spasming. "Okay?"  
I question. "Daddy m'tired." He says leaning into my chest heavily  
and coughing. I really should be making him clean up the mess he made  
but instead I pick him back up and carry him to bed, he's having a rough  
enough morning I decide. Tucking the covers up I kiss his head.  
"Love you." I whisper softly closing the door. I get the milk sopped up  
and throw away the broken shards of the bowl. After getting a load of  
laundry on I decide to relax and see what's on tv. 

Ryan sleeps through lunch and I let him seeing how upset he's been I figure he's exhausted.  
It's moving late into the afternoon when I hear a harsh cough followed  
by a panicked cry of. "Daddy!" I jump up running. Throwing the door  
open I see him sitting up choking for air. He's about to suffer a severe  
asthma attack I know it and he must have sensed it too, even before today.  
"I want momma!" Now it makes sense, he always wants us together when he  
doesn't feel well. Rushing for the bed I scoop him up and hurry towards  
the kitchen where his inhaler is. He's gasping in my ear.  
"It's alright babe, it's alright." I sit him on the counter administering  
his inhaler twice. He tries to suck in a lungful of air and chokes.  
"Daddy!" He gasps fearful. "It's alright." I repeat gripping his chin  
pumping more medicine into his lungs. "Easy."  
It takes an hour and two more doses before he's calm and resting against my side on the couch.  
Pam nearly has a fit later when I talk to her on the phone and wants  
to come home right away but I convince her to stick it out the rest  
of the week. "You couldn't have known and he's alright now." I reassure.  
"Let me talk to him." I hand the phone over to Ryan who's sitting in  
front of the coffee table coloring. "Hi mommy." I smile watching him.  
"K. I'm making you a drawing." "That's wonderful baby. Thank you."  
They talk for a minute more before she's telling him to hand the  
phone back. "Okay, love you bring me back a present." He tells her.  
I hear her bust out in a watery laugh. "Of course baby you be a good boy for daddy."  
I laugh taking the phone back, we talk until it's time for bed.  
"Bedtime champ." I tell him stretching. "Can I sleep with you?"  
"Sure you can." "On mommy's side?" He questions. "On mommy's side." I say.  
"Okay." After helping him brush his teeth and put his pajamas on we  
snuggle up in the bed. "Daddy?" He says drowsily. "Yeah honey."  
"I'm glad you're here." He says squeezing me tight. "Me too sweetie."  
I love my little family I think holding him close, drifting off to sleep with a smile on my face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments appreciated:)


	3. Fighting it

"You've barely touched your food honey." Pam says glancing at Ryan's plate.  
"Guess I'm not hungry." He says quietly. Pam and I share a look.  
We're well aware of Ryan's struggles with food.  
"Everything alright man?"  
I ask reaching over rubbing the back of his hand where it rests on the table.  
"Yeah, just not hungry." Pam wants to push the issue I can tell.  
"Well maybe later then." I say giving his hand a squeeze. Pam shoots me  
a look but drops it. "Why don't you guys pick a movie to watch while I clear the table."  
"Sounds good." I say standing. Ryan follows me to the living-room.  
After once again picking out Die Hard I flop on the couch. Ryan sits next to me pressing into  
my side, I wrap my arm around him nuzzling his hair.  
"You feel a little warm." I mumble. "You sure you're alright?"  
He nods, pressing closer. Pam comes in. "Let me guess, Die Hard." She says dryly.  
I grin. "You know it." She sighs rolling her eyes and joins us.  
Half way through and Ryan keeps fidgeting, hand coming up to press over his stomach.  
I look over at him but he seems focused on the movie so I bring my hand up to  
gently brush over his stomach he tenses briefly before relaxing back into me.  
I keep it up for the rest of the movie.  
After the movie finishes and Pam flicks the lights on she takes one look at Ryan.  
"You're staying here." She says.  
He does look a bit pale. "I'm fine." He says standing, then quickly pulling in a breath  
and pressing a hand back to his stomach. "Ry c'mon." I say also standing.  
"Guys I'm fine." He insists moving towards the door. I follow.   
"You know you can always stay babe." I say softly, brushing his cheek.   
"I know." He says looking down.  
I think he feels a little self conscious staying overnight with us when he's not little.  
"I'm just gonna head home now." He mutters opening the door.  
"Drive careful." Pam says joining us at the door, wrapping her arm around my waist.  
We watch him pull out the drive before closing the door. "I'm worried Jim."  
"Me too. We'll talk to him about it more tomorrow." I promise yawning.  
"You bet we will." She says heading back to the bedroom.

At roughly half past midnight my phone begins shrilly ringing on the nightstand.  
"Who in th-" I mumble reaching for it and flipping it open, Pam stirs beside me.  
"Hello?"  
"Daddy!" A gasp, and then. "Jim?"  
"Ryan? What's wrong baby?"  
Pam sits up. "What?" I shake my head. "Ryan, C'mon man what's going on?"  
"Hurts!" He cries. I'm already up pulling on some pant's. "What hurts honey?"  
Pam's out of bed pulling on some clothes on as well. "Tummy...stomach." He corrects.  
"Okay, it's okay, mommy and daddy will be there soon, alright."  
"Jim." He presses. "We'll be there." I state firmly handing the phone to Pam as we climb in the car.  
We make the drive in fifteen. Rushing into his apartment we find him curled up in the  
bed clutching his stomach and breathing raggedly. "Where does it hurt?"  
I question gripping his shoulder. He points. "What do you think, appendix?"  
Pam asks softly. "Could be." I gently pull him up. "Can you drive?" I ask  
her while carrying Ryan out. "Yeah." She pulls the back door open for me and I carefully  
lower Ryan in. Jim! He moans. "It's okay sweetie." I climb in beside him pulling  
him to me and running my fingers through his hair.  
Pam gets us there in record time.  
It's as I'm helping him from the car that he starts to vomit violently.  
I curse and scoop him up jogging to the entrance. He's clinging to my neck, tears sliding  
down his face. They get him on a gurney and wheel him back, the whole time he refuses to  
let go of my hand. They confirm it's appendicitis and get him prepped for surgery.  
Pam and I hold each other a good five minutes in the hall after he's been wheeled off.  
"Poor baby. He's definitely staying with us after this." She says firmly. "No arguments."

"Hey, you want some coffee?" I ask after pacing the waiting room  
a million times anxious. "Sure." Pam smiles slightly looking up from her magazine.  
On my way back from the cafeteria I pass the gift shop and pause. Wandering in  
I spot a plush brown bear and grin, flashing back to several weeks ago.  
'Raww! Ryan hollers jumping onto the couch and throwing himself at me.  
"Whoa, what's this?" I asked laughing. "Bear hugs daddy! I'm a bear!" He said squeezing tight.'  
Making the purchase I head back up and join Pam. "Really Jim?" She says smiling.  
"What?" I grin. "That's why he's a daddy's boy." She says knowingly. "You spoil him."  
"Hey! He's in the hospital he gets to be spoiled now." I insist sticking my tongue out.  
She laughs. We stay at the hospital even though we're not aloud back to see him till morning.  
"Hey baby." Pam calls softly, brushing his cheek. His eyes blink slowly open. "Hey guys." He croaks.  
"Here." She offers him some water which he sips at. "How you feeling?" I ask sitting beside him.  
"Better, a little sore." He admits. "Here, gotcha something to help you feel better."  
I pull the teddy bear out passing it to him. He looks down blushing. "Thanks daddy."  
He mumbles smirking. I laugh leaning over to press a kiss to his head.  
"You're welcome baby bear."


	4. Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for mentions of eating disorder.

Pam's pov

"Daaad." Ryan moans dramatically, dragging his feet across the floor, trudging along behind us.  
Jim's smirking. "What?"  
"This is taking forever!" He complains.  
We had already decided on spending Christmas together,though Ryan was resistant at first, but when Jim  
found out that Ryan had never  
had a train around his tree growing up he insisted we rush out and get one right after work.  
"C'mon man where's your holiday spirit?"  
"Must have left it in my other pocket." He mutters.  
I snicker at Jim's pouty face.  
"I am trying to share a cherished memory here with you darling, so stop being a brat."  
He says, playfully glaring.  
Ryan leans forward, draping himself across Jim's back. "Make me." He murmurs into his neck.  
"This is your boy." Jim says looking at me.  
"What's that supposed to mean!?"  
Ryan snorts a laugh into Jim's shoulder.  
"Daddy's getting coal." He sing songs, arms squeezing around Jim.  
"You two are terrible." I inform.  
"Yeah, too bad you're stuck with us." Jim smiles pulling me to him.  
The checkout line is barely moving.  
"My feet hurt, I'm tired, I want to go home." Ryan whines.  
Jim and I share a small smile, it's not often Ryan refers to our place as home.  
"we'll go home as soon as we're finished here baby." I say rubbing his shoulder.  
"I wanna go now." He insists, thumping his head against Jim.  
I sigh. "Do mind if we wait in the car for you hon?" I ask looking at Jim.  
"Nah, go ahead and take this little terror to rest his poor tired feet." He says giving Ryan  
a peck on the head.  
Ryan makes a face at him as we head for the doors and I hear Jim laughing behind us.  
By the time Jim finally gets in the car Ryan is crashed out in the backseat.  
Jim looks at him for a minute. "Fine. But he's helping me with the train after dinner." He huffs.  
I roll my eyes, smiling.  
Ryan's still sleeping when we pull in the drive. "C'mon Ry Ry, time to wake up." Jim calls.  
He groans pressing his face in the seat.  
"Ryan."  
"No."  
"Get out." Jim orders.  
"Carry me." He retaliates kicking the back of Jim's seat.  
Jim sighs exasperated, opening the backdoor. "You're being impossible tonight." He tells him  
dragging him out of the car and lifting him up.  
"You made me go to Wal-mart Jim! Wal-mart!"  
"Well it's not like it killed you." He says toting him inside.  
Dinner's a simple pasta and salad which Ryan picks at.  
"Eat baby." Jim tells him.  
"I am."  
"No you're not you're just pushing it around."  
"No I'm not!" He shouts.  
"Ryan!" Jim warns.  
Ryan glowers for a second before kicking the leg of the table sending our drinks toppling  
over and spilling across and on to the floor.  
He's gearing up for another kick when Jim grabs him, smacking his thigh. "What's gotten into you tonight?."  
Ryan wrenches himself away. "I don't even know why I bothered coming." He moves towards the door.  
Jim's behind him in an instant, gripping his wrist and tugging him back.  
"No, we're talking about this."  
"Let me go Jim." He pleads, turning his head away and pressing his fingers to his eyes.  
"Ryan." I say softly touching his shoulder, he flinches.  
"C'mon." Jim leads him to the couch, tugging him to his lap.  
He sits but he's so stiff and tense, eye blinking rapidly.  
We give him a minute.  
"Does this have something to do with your mom?" I ask quietly.  
His mother has an overbearing personality as well as, at least when he was growing up, a  
severe eating disorder that she pushed onto him. Constantly lecturing him and dramatically  
restricting his caloric intake and even though it's been years he still struggles with  
hearing her voice and eating properly.  
He bites his lip dragging in a deep breath through his nose. He's trying so hard to push  
back his emotions.  
"I hated the holidays." His lips tremble. "She always drug me around to all her socialite friends  
parties, showing me off. Everything was always catered and she'd force me to eat some of everything  
not to be rude, It was more than I'd ever eat in one sitting and I'd feel so sick. When we'd get  
home she'd drag me into the bathroom and force me to throw everything up while telling me how  
disgusting I was. All I wanted to do was go to sleep, everything hurt."  
The tears have finally made their way from his eyes tracking down his cheek.  
I'm crying as well, I can't believe what we just heard. Jim's jaw is clenched tight, I can tell  
he's livid at Ryan's mother and what she puts him through.  
He pulls him tightly against his chest kissing his head. We sit in silence, each lost in thought.  
"Daddy?" Ryan ventures hesitantly.  
"Yeah, baby."  
"Can we do the train now?"  
Jim smiles a little. "Sure we can honey." He says, helping him stand.  
"I'm going to get a shower." I say, squeezing Jim's hand.  
"Okay." He says, leaning in and pressing a kiss to my cheek.  
"Eww!" Ryan gags.  
Jim laughs, grabbing him up and pressing a sloppy kiss on his cheek as well.  
"Daddy!" He shrieks trying to scramble away.  
I laugh shaking my head at their antics and head for the stairs.  
After showering and getting dressed for bed I step into the hall. Noting how quite it is  
I silently make my way down the stairs and find them spread out on the floor in front of  
the tree sound asleep. Smiling at my boys I think that despite everything this will be  
the best Christmas yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who reads and comments, much appreciated.  
> Be sure to check out my other stories as well:)


	5. Getaway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a light fluff piece but  
> the train jumped the track somewhere...maybe I should  
> re-title to Ryan whump.

Pam's pov

We had been riding for hours now. Ryan sits quietly in  
the back seat, feet stretched out across the center console  
between us, Jim holds his ankle. The quiet's nothing  
new, though no less disturbing. The last few months have  
been rough on Ryan which is why Jim and I planned this trip  
to my uncle's beach house to surprise him. His head is just  
starting to tip forward in sleep when he suddenly startles  
awake. "Mumma." He mumbles hoarsely. I turn in my seat  
worried it's another nightmare. "Alright!?" I ask gripping  
his knee. He nods, eyes moist.  
"When are we getting there?" He asks wearily, rubbing at  
his eye. "Not for a little while." Jim replies, squeezing  
his ankle. "You said that two hours ago." He complains,  
foot jerking under Jim's hand and breath hitching.  
Jim looks back in concern, before slowing and bringing the  
car to a stop on the side of the road.  
Gently pushing Ryan's feet down he flips the console up.  
"C'mon."  
"What?" Ryan whines pressing the heels of his hands in his eyes.  
"You're sitting up here with us. C'mon."  
He looks as if he's about to argue for half a second, before  
slowly sliding out of the car. Once seated between us he rests  
his head against Jim's shoulder. I glance over noticing a tear  
running down his cheek. "What's wrong honey?" I ask rubbing his  
leg. "Nothing."  
"Ry." Jim says quietly.  
"Nothing!" He cries. "I'm just tired!" He presses his face into  
Jim's arm. We all know that's not entirely true.  
Ever since his mother's annual visit he's been more prone to  
nightmares and panic attacks. But we know pushing him to talk  
about it right now will only cause him to shut down, so Jim  
just wraps an arm around him and starts the car again.  
He's asleep within fifteen minutes.

The sun is setting as we pull up to the house. I gently shake Ryan awake.  
Glancing out the windshield his face lights up.  
He scrambles to get out the car for a better view.  
Jim comes up behind him sliding his arms around him.  
"Surprised?" He asks squeezing his hip and kissing him behind the ear.  
Ryan nods, his eyes not leaving the water.  
"Come on you two we can walk down tomorrow, right now I'm dying  
for some dinner." I say making my way to the door.  
They reluctantly follow.  
"Does your uncle stock the place?" Jim asks pulling open the  
refrigerator.  
"I wouldn't eat anything in there. I was just gonna call for pizza."  
"Hey, look, there's fish. It doesn't look bad." He says pulling it  
out. "Jim, seriously I wouldn't eat that."  
"Ah, c'mon." He says pulling out a skillet. "what's a stay at the beach  
without seafood?" I shake my head.  
"How about you Ry? You want some finding nemo for dinner?"  
"Eww!"  
Jim makes a fish face at him.  
"Dad that's gross." He says dryly.  
"I'm having pizza with mommy."  
"Smart boy." I say kissing his cheek.  
Jim sticks his tongue out at us. 

After dinner and unpacking we start getting ready for bed, the long  
drive draining us all.  
"Where do I sleep?" Ryan asks nervously, coming out of the bathroom.  
"With us sweetheart." I say pulling the ponytail from my hair.  
"I can sleep by myself." He says defensively, looking at the floor.  
"And deprive me of my own personal cuddle monster?" Jim says  
coming up behind him and bear hugging him. "Never!" He exclaims pecking his cheek.  
Ryan blushes but doesn't argue.   
Climbing in bed It's not long before we're all sound asleep.

I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of retching.  
Ryan's still asleep beside me so I quietly climb out of bed and  
make my way down the hall in search of Jim.  
He's hunched over the toilet, sweaty hair stuck to his forehead.  
"Honey what's wrong?" I sit on the edge of the tub stroking his back.  
"Fish must have been bad." He pants.  
"Daddy!?" I look up to see  
Ryan standing in the door he's watching Jim, pale faced and trembling.  
Jim leans forward retching again.  
"Mamma, tell him to stop!" He pleads, looking to me in a panic.  
"Pam, get him out of here." Jim chokes.  
I scramble up. "C'mon, baby." I say gripping his arm.  
"No I wanna stay with daddy!"  
"He'll be fine honey I promise."  
"Why are you making him do this!?  
You’re mean!" He shouts turning and  
running.  
"Ryan!" I call. 

I find him in front of the couch, face pressed to his knees.  
"Ryan." I sigh coming to sit behind him.  
"Daddy just had some bad fish but he'll be alright sweetie."  
He turns wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing his face to my  
stomach. Jim approaches slowly, sitting in the rocking recliner beside us.  
"Ryan, you know Pam would never want me to get sick." He says stroking his arm.  
"Or you." He says firmly.  
"I know." He whimpers.  
"C'mere."  
He climbs into Jim's lap.  
"I think I saw some tea bags in the cabinet." I say standing. "I'll make you a cup."  
"Thanks." Jim says tiredly, gently rocking the chair back and forth.  
Ryan's dozing as Jim finishes his tea, a far off look on his face.  
"What baby?" I take his hand running my thumb along his knuckles.  
He sighs. "This was supposed to be a relaxing trip for Ryan and already I've traumatized  
him." He says sounding uncharacteristically bitter.  
"you didn't mean to get sick Jim and you can't protect him from everything, as much  
as you want to, he's going to have to learn to trust us."  
He nods silently.  
"Stop beating yourself up, okay?" I give his hand a squeeze. "Tomorrow we'll take him down  
to the water and he'll have a good time, alright?"  
"I know, I know, you're right." He says rubbing the bridge of his nose.  
"Come on, let's go back to bed." I say tugging his hand.

Everyone's in much better spirits come morning.  
"Come on! Come on!" Ryan hollers tearing down the hall in his swim trunks.  
"Slow down!" I call to deaf ears.  
Jim laughs coming out of the bathroom in his own trunks. "Ready?" He asks.  
"Yes let's hurry before Ryan hurts himself."  
We start the trek down to the water, Ryan running ahead.  
"Ryan Howard don't you get in that water without daddy!" I shout.  
I don't trust his judgment or reflexes when he's like this.  
"C'mon dad!" He hollers. "You're being a slow poke!"  
Jim grins, before taking off charging straight at him, he scoops him up  
and runs right into the water.  
Ryan's laughing, head thrown back, hair dripping water and eyes shining.  
I stand drinking in the sight of them. It was worth it I think, seeing my boy  
so happy. After an hour or so of watching them chase each other down splashing  
in the waves they eventually make their way back to the blanket I have spread out.  
Ryan collapses, winded from all his running. "Having a good time baby?"  
I smile brushing his damp hair back. "Yes." He beams, stretching out tiredly and closing  
his eyes. While Ryan naps Jim and I head inside to fix some lunch. 

Making our way back down the beach we immediately notice  
the blanket's deserted. My blood runs cold. The sun is so bright I have  
to scan the horizon three times before I spot him, struggling in the waves.  
"Jim!" But he's already running. He makes it out to Ryan quickly, dragging  
him to shore. I race down to meet them. "Ryan Howard!" Jim shouts, grabbing  
him and kissing all over his face frantically. "You scared the life out of  
me! Never do that again!" Ryan stands startled. "I'm sorry." He says slowly.  
"Didn't you hear what mommy told you!" He's still shouting.  
"Yes." He says, chin wobbling.  
"What'd she say?"  
"To not go in the water without you." He whispers.  
"And what did you do?"  
"Went in the water." He sniffs, a tear leaking from his eyes.  
"No. Don't start." Jim says hotly. "You were warned. Get back to the  
house you're done here."  
The tears pour faster as Ryan turns and runs back to the house.  
"Jim." I say softly, hugging him, I can hear his heart still pounding.  
"We could have lost him Pam!" He chokes. "We could have lost him."  
"I know." I whisper. We stand there for a long time trying to calm our  
racing hearts, before making our way back to the house and  
starting our search for Ryan. Eventually we find him sitting on the  
bathroom floor staring at the toilet. "You didn't make yourself  
throw up did you?" Jim questions. He's been known to do that when he's  
upset. He shakes his head no. Jim sighs, sitting on the closed seat  
in front of him. "Daddy I'm sorry." He cries.  
Sighing again Jim takes his hands in his. "I know you are baby but  
that doesn't change the fact that you disobeyed mommy and could have  
gotten seriously hurt."  
"I'm sorry." He repeats.  
"Ryan, you need to understand when we make these rules we're not trying  
to control you we're trying to keep you safe."  
He nods.  
"No TV tonight." Jim says eventually. "And when mommy tells you something you listen, yes?"  
"Yes daddy."  
"Alright, let's go eat lunch." He says standing.  
"Daddy?" Ryan says throwing himself in Jim's arms.  
"What baby?"  
"I love you."  
Jim and I freeze. He's never said that before. Ever.  
"I love you too sweetheart, more than anything." He whispers  
holding him close.  
It may not have been the perfect getaway we were hoping for  
but somehow I think we'll still be able to look back on it  
with some fondness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks once again for reading. If anyone has  
> any ideas for small little snippets of things they'd  
> like to see let me know. Not making promises  
> but I'll give it a whirl.


	6. Sleep tight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, comments, ideas, what have you, welcome;)

Jim's pov

Climbing from the car I stretch my back out and roll my shoulders.  
It had been a long drive and I'm glad to be home after several days away.  
Stepping through the door I hear Pam hollering at Ryan to "Get back here!"  
"Honey, I'm home." I drawl, grinning.  
She looks over at me huffing, blowing a piece of hair from her forehead.  
"Good. You can deal with him, I'm done." She says heading for the stairs.  
"I'm going to take a long hot shower."  
I smother a laugh it's not often she gets worked up over Ryan's antics.  
"What's going on?" I ask.  
"Well, let's see first we start the day with him throwing his cereal on the floor, then we move on to the finger paint fiasco and the nearly two hours of scrubbing from that, don't ask." She points at me. "Now we've just finished the hour long debate over dinner of which he refuses to wipe his mouth from-" She gets cut off as a loud crash sounds from his room. "Jim." She warns.  
"I'll handle it." I laugh. "Go relax." I kiss her cheek.  
Making my way down the hall I quietly enter Ryan's room. He's sitting on the floor, his entire bin of Legos dumped and scattered around him staring very intently. I clear my throat. Turning, spaghetti sauce still staining his face he cries, "Daddy!" Running he throws himself at me.  
"Hey, monster." I wheeze, catching him. "I missed you!" He says, squeezing my neck. I'm not even gonna lie about how good that makes me feel. "I missed you too." I return the squeeze.  
"You been giving mommy a hard time?" I ask. He shakes his head rapidly and darn if he isn't the picture of innocence. "Mmhmm," I grin looking over his face.  
"C'mon let's go get you cleaned up." I say patting his backside.  
Sitting him on the dining table I take a damp rag to his chin.  
"I want all those Legos picked up after this." I tell him.  
"But dad-" He whines  
"No buts Ryan, I don't want any arguments. Understand?"  
He nods looking at his shoes.  
"Come on, I'll help you." I say kissing his head.  
"K." He slides off the table and starts for the hall.  
"Hey," I say gripping his wrist and tugging him back. "where's my kiss?"  
Smiling he stands on tip toes and presses a sloppy kiss to my jaw.  
Chuckling I wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze him tight, nuzzling against his ear.  
"I love you." I whisper.  
"Love you too." He murmurs bashfully into my shoulder.  
"Come on." I give his waist one more squeeze. "Let's go clean up."  
After every last Lego has been picked up we sit on the floor together resting against his bed and I read aloud to him from the Lord of the rings. "Is this where we left off?" I question flipping pages. He nods against my shoulder, biting his thumb nail, eyes distant. He's not gonna last long, I think, wrapping my arm around him and beginning to read. His lids are fluttering by the time Pam comes back downstairs and announces it's bedtime. "No!"  
"Ryan, baby please don't start." Pam sighs wearily. "But daddy just got here!" He pouts.  
"Hey, come on." I soothe. "I'll help you brush your teeth and get your pajamas on, okay?"  
"Can't I sleep with you?" He pleads.  
"You need to sleep in your on bed, honey." I respond even though it kills me. We've been trying to encourage him to sleep in his own bed, he's become so used to sleeping between us that now anytime he's not with us he just doesn't sleep at all.  
So, lately we've been taking turns sitting with him in his room till he falls asleep and then slipping out.  
I expect a tantrum but all I get is a quivery lip and a "sit with me?"  
"Of course, baby."

I sit beside him rubbing his arm untill his breathing evens out.  
Then, I sit a while longer just watching his face in the lamp light. It's not untill my back starts to protest that I finally get off the floor and make my way upstairs.  
Pam's brushing her teeth in our bathroom. "He asleep?" She questions holding her hair back and spitting into the sink. "Yep." I sigh rubbing my face.  
"Jim, he's fine. He needs to be able to sleep alone some of the time."  
"I know." I say flopping back on the bed and staring at the ceiling.  
"I know you like having him in here with us." She says coming over to rub my shoulder.  
"But it's for the best."  
"What if he has a nightmare?"  
"Then he'll wake us up. Come on, Jim, I'm tired let's just get some sleep, okay?"  
"Fine." I huff turning out the light.  
"Jim." She sighs but says nothing more.  
I toss for a while before eventually finding sleep.

I wake sometime in the A.M to light tapping at our bedroom door.  
Struggling out of bed I open the door to see Ryan standing there, blanket in hand. "I can't sleep."  
I know I should send him back to his bed but honestly I'm tired and I've missed him. So, I wave him in and help him get settled.  
And I have missed this. I've missed his familiar weight against my chest, missed the smell of his shampoo, his even breaths against my neck. I trail my nails up and down his spine, relaxing into the matress and closing my eyes. It's good to be home.


	7. Melt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disgusting schmoop;) let me know what you think.

Pam's pov

"Dunder-Mifflen, this is Pam."  
I can't help but sigh a bit at having to fill in my old position.  
Absently tapping my pen against the counter  
I look over to watch Ryan move to the copy machine.  
He walks stiffly with his head down and I know he's  
trying not to make eye contact with Jim or me.  
He's been so distant lately and it's obvious it's taking a toll on him.  
He looks exhausted. I tried asking how he was but he brushed me off.  
Perhaps we'll have a chance to talk it over with him tonight.  
Some weeks he stays exclusively with us, others he's  
back and forth, but no matter what we're all doing  
at least once a month dinner and a long weekend visit  
together is non-negotiable .  
And really he needs it. He needs the structure and the  
rules and the firmness he thrives under it and I think  
secretly craves it. That's not to say he doesn't ever  
resist and try to push us to our breaking points because he does.  
Sometimes he's defiant and exhausting but  
at the same time he can also be the most sensitive, sweet boy.  
I know this borderline ignoring is beginning to get to Jim.

He corners him by the vending machines after lunch.  
"Don't forget dinner tonight." He says wiping the top of his drink can.  
"Not tonight, Jim." He huffs turning away.  
"Don't you walk away from me, Ryan." He says, gripping his arm.  
"Dinner. Understand?"  
"Yes!" He whines tugging away.  
"God, it's not like I'm deaf Jim! I heard you the first time."  
He snaps, turning once again to leave.  
Jim's face darkens. Gripping his arm again, he pulls him back.  
"I don't appreciate the attitude, Ryan." He says lowly,  
tipping his chin to force eye contact.  
"Do we need to have another 'talk' about listening to daddy?"  
He threatens.  
"No!" Ryan whines trying to pull away.  
Jim gives his arm a shake. "stop."  
Ryan huffs, frustrated, pressing a fist to his eye and  
rubbing hard.  
Jim breathes deeply for a minute. "What's going on?"  
"Nothing."  
"Don't lie to me, Ryan!"  
"I'm just tired!" He whines pressing harder with his fist.  
"Stop that." Jim says pulling his hand away. "Come here."  
He backs up to sit on the table pulling Ryan between  
his legs. Ryan hesitates before leaning into him.  
"What's really going on, hmm?"  
"I told you." He sniffs. It's not like Ryan to get emotional like this,  
bratty and defiant maybe, but not tearful.  
"You're just tired?" Jim questions, leaning back to look at him skeptically.  
He nods, leaning into his shoulder.  
"And It hurts."  
"What hurts, babydoll?"  
"Everything." He chokes.  
Jim squeezes his neck.  
"I'm not surprised, your muscles are so tense and knotted."  
He murmurs, rubbing his shoulders.  
Ryan presses his face harder into his shoulder.  
"Why aren't you sleeping?"  
He shrugs.  
"Nightmares?"  
Another shrug.  
Jim sighs. "You know you can always come to us, Ryan.  
You don't have to stay away just because you're having  
a hard time with something."  
"Of course not honey, we want you with us." I say gently,  
coming to sit beside Jim.  
He says nothing.  
"Right. Dinner tonight." Jim says, patting his hip.  
"And after, daddy will get you sorted out so you can sleep. Alright?"  
"Promise?" His eyes are so weary. Poor baby. I reach  
out combing his hair back. He leans into my touch, eyes closing.  
"Promise." Jim says, squeezing his hands.

Jim's pov

He shows up on time for dinner and sits picking at his food.  
I tap his hand gently.  
"Two more bites then you can be done, alright?" I bargain.  
He slouches in his seat lethargically, staring at his plate.  
It takes nearly twenty minutes before he caves and  
finishes the second spoonful.  
He stays in his seat fidgeting, agitated and restless.  
I glance up when he knocks into the table a second time to see tears on his face.  
"Honey," I push my chair back and hold my arms out to him.  
"I just want to sleep!" He cries, clambering into my lap, choking.  
It's clear there's some serious sleep deprivation going on  
that's beginning to wear on him.  
I wish he would just confide in us when things are bothering  
him instead of bottling it up until it makes him hysterical.  
He's come a long way, but his trust is so hard won.  
I hold him tight, rocking him back and forth till he calms down some.  
"Come on." I say, standing.  
"Where are we going?"  
"We're going to take a nice hot shower then I'm  
gonna rub you down in some lavender oil and you're  
going to relax and go to sleep.  
"No I won't." He grumbles wearily, leaning into me heavily.

I lead him into the bathroom. Sitting him up on the counter I  
slowly unbutton his shirt. He looks miserable  
sitting there hunched over, face pinched in exhaustion.  
Leaning in, I press a kiss to his neck, once, twice.  
He trembles.  
"You're alright, baby." I murmur against his neck while  
sliding the shirt from off his slim frame.  
Once undressed, I start the shower, turning the knob till it's steaming.  
I yank my own shirt over my head and help him in under the stream of water.  
He rests against my chest tiredly as massage shampoo into his hair.  
From the corner of my eye I see his hand drifts towards his mouth and gently catch it.  
He's developed a habit of sucking his middle fingers when he's upset.  
I don't have a problem with him soothing himself but I also know that's the same  
way he makes himself sick when he's not in a well frame of mind  
and I don't want to encourage it now.  
Whining he turns his face into me and mouths at my shoulder instead.  
I say nothing and continue to wash his hair.  
We stay in a while longer just enjoying the warmth and each other.

The water's beginning to cool when I finally reach to turn it off.  
"Come on." I whisper squeezing his side.  
I slowly guide him to the bed, his steps unsteady.  
Falling back against the matress he throws an arm over his face.  
I give his knee a squeeze before moving back towards the bathroom.  
"Jim?" He whimpers, reaching for me.  
"I'll be right back."  
Looking in the medicine cabinet I find the little bottle of lavender oil.  
Dwight swears this works...I can't believe I'm taking his advice.  
Moving back to the bed I sit next him and uncap the bottle.  
Dabbing some on either side of his head I press my thumbs to his temples and knead firmly. Trailing down I gently caress his face, firmly running my thumbs across his cheek bones, along the bridge of his nose, I repeat the process twice more before sliding down to his neck and squeezing gently. "Alright?"  
He nods sluggishly, parting his lips and drawing in a breath.  
I take his hand, pressing open mouth kisses along his knuckles  
before moving back to his shoulders.  
Pam slips quietly into the room.  
Lying beside him she softly runs her fingers through his hair.  
By the time I'm finished firmly stroking his achilles he's  
sound asleep, chest rising and falling gently. I breathe in the calm atmosphere. Watching Pam and him sleep, the lamp light haloing them I smile in relief. All is as it should be once again, with  
my little family tucked safe here with me.


	8. Upset

Pam comes home to Ryan shrieking. the sound echoing down the hall.   
"What!? What happened!?" she rushes to the laundry room where the shrill screech is coming from.   
"Baby, what happened?"   
"Daddy killed Mr. Buttons!" He screams holding a sopping wet stuffed rabbit in his hands the stuffing spilling out the torn off arm. "Oh, honey." Pam says drawing him to her. She knows how much this particular stuffy means to him. the one thing he has from his childhood that his father had gotten him and one of his few comforts growing up, and even now. especially on hard days. He leans into her hug crying harsh sobs. "Mommy!" He moans pained, hiccuping and trying to catch his breath.   
"Shh, shh, shh." She murmurs rocking side to side with him running her nails up and down his back.   
"You need to calm down, alright. Breathe."  
"Hey, hey, what's all the screaming?" Jim asks rushing in.  
"You put Mr. Buttons in the washing machine." She says quietly.  
His face pales looking at the scraggly thing clenched in Ryan's hand and watching him struggle not to hyperventilate in his upset.  
"Oh, Ryan. I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I didn't know he was caught up in your blankets" He moves to put an arm around his shoulders "Deep breaths." He murmurs against his temple rubbing his chest.   
Ryan holds the mangled thing in his hands, smoothing the fur down and staring at it bleakly, chin quivering.   
"I'm sure I can stitch him back up for you." Pam comforts."  
"It's not the same!" He says starting to cry again.  
She sighs combing his hair. "I know, sweetie."   
"I think you're overtired." Jim murmurs stroking his neck. "Why dont we go lie down, and when you get up he'll be all patched up and waiting." He says, scooping him up.   
"No. I don't want to." He protests weakly burying his face in Jim's shoulder. "I know." He hums patting his back and carrying him off towards the bedroom.   
Pam looks down at the poor stuffed animal in her hands sighing before going to look for a needle and thread.

It doesn't look half bad she decides, tying off the knot and plumping the stuffing a bit. almost like new.  
She heads to the bedroom to find them both asleep in a tangle of limbs. Ryan's shirt rucked up, fingers in his mouth and Jim snoring softly. Rolling her eyes in amusement she carefully lifts Ryan's arm tucking the stuffed animal there and pressing a kiss to his temple. She closes the door quietly, letting them sleep.

***********

She's sitting on the couch working on a sketch when Ryan trudges from the bedroom hugging his rabbit, his hair mussed. "Hey, baby." She smiles setting her sketchbook aside.   
"Have a good nap?"   
He shrugs coming to crawl in her lap.   
She wraps him in her arms resting her head against his.   
"Daddy still asleep?" Ryan nods   
"He was snoring so loud it woke me up." He complains.   
"I'm sorry, honey." She laughs.   
They sit in silence for awhile, Pam rubbing his back.   
"Thank you." He whispers quietly into her neck hugging his rabbit closer, rubbing the soft ear against his cheek in a comforting habit."   
She squeezes his arm. "You're welcome."   
"What are you working on?" He asks eventually.   
She pulls her sketchbook over holding it up.   
He gives a small smile at the trees and lake on the page.   
"Where we had our picnic." he says "I liked that day."   
"We'll have to go back soon." She says rubbing his leg.   
"And feed the ducks." He yawns.  
"And feed the ducks." She agrees watching his dark lashes flutter against pale cheeks. "Go back to sleep, honey. I'll wake you for dinner." He lays his head against her shoulder relaxing.  
She might not be able to feel her legs anymore and he might be drooling on her neck but she wouldn't trade these moments for anything she thinks.


End file.
